It's hard to remember what it felt like back then. But I can remember it felt similar enough that I wasn't afraid.

[And that's good enough.

But does that mean vide noir is something they need to get their hands on? After what happened to Johnnie, she has a really hard time wanting to help him ever be near the stuff again. She remembers their journey to try and get the cosmic ash, remembers how terribly it impacted him when it didn't work. She wants to protect him from ever needing to go through that again. More than that, she wants to protect him from what addiction to vide noir can do to him. She's terrified it will take him away from her.]

We can talk to the Ender about it when we get back. But we just have to be careful with that stuff. I don't want to lose you.