beyondtheline | I sure like the feeling of an endless road

Oh, I got 'em.

[And his handkerchief, which in this situation is more for keeping dirt out of his teeth as the wheels kick up silt and pebbles. Fuck this stupid riverbed. Why did he think this would be a good idea?

But something works - scooting up the bank, out of the middle. It's unstable, the ground slides and crumbles, but he picks up speed and laughs with joy as finally they get above some miserable fifteen miles and hour and skirt closer to thirty. This is not going to last long, there isn't enough stable bank for this, he needs to remember how the fuck he's supposed to control this -

The ground changes under his tires before he can figure it out. It isn't the time or place to think but at least they got going somewhere. The problem is, they're now kicking up tilled dirt in what looks like some kind of field and he doesn't have a fucking clue when they are, because agricultural fields are basically the whole history of this part of California as far as he knows, and the ground is too soft and he dumps the bike, but manages to at least get a foot down to keep himself from faceplanting into the soil and rolls with the movement. The only thing going through his head is his guitar, fuck, hopefully Chrissy falls forward into him and keeps it from getting crushed.

He spits dirt through his teeth and shakes off the fall, and looks around. At least there are more lights out there on the horizon. Civilization is lights and a river diverted around farmland. Sure.]

Well, fuck. If that's the freeway, it's over there somewhere. You okay?

[She manages to fall into him, but also manages to bump her lip in the process. She tastes blood as she licks at the slight pain she feels, and winds up using her fingers to touch at the area to make sure it's not completely busted. Thankfully it's not, and she makes a soft sound as her finger press harder and it stings.]

Yeah, I'm okay. Just busted my lip a little, but it should stop bleeding soon.

[If only they had thought to fill up his canteen at the water, then she could rinse it off. But that's okay, she can just do it when they stop later.]

Your guitar is okay though. How's the bike?

Poor girl. Bike's probably fine? This ground's pretty soft, that's the whole problem anyway.

[Thank fuck for his guitar. That's really the priority here. He and Chrissy can heal from things.

Once she's pulled herself to her feet, and he's done the same, he waves for her to come help him get the bike up and together they push it back onto its tires to tow to the edge of the field. That takes some tough pushing, but up above, the ground is packed from farm vehicles driving the edge and it's easier to walk it from there in the direction of those lights.]

I kinda wonder when we are, but I also kinda don't give a shit. Sometime there's pavement, an' I want on it. Your lip doin' okay?

It hurts but I can ignore it for a while.

[She's been through far worse than a busted lip. It's easy to just pretend it doesn't exist, even with the metallic tang of blood in her mouth.]

We should've used your canteen to store some water. I'm so thirsty all over again!

[That, and she wants to rinse her mouth. But that goes without saying. It's better to focus on when they are versus things like thirst, especially when they're just walking toward lights that hopefully will lead way to a more modern road.]

We gotta figure out how you can control what time we go to. There has to be a way, right?

[Oh, damn, the water. Well, they'll find more. Just have to get to the road. A car whizzes on past, more easily visible now that they're closer, and it definitely looks like it's going freeway speed. Or flying. Hopefully not flying, he wants real pavement for traction.]

Yeah, I think so. I was gettin' a sense for it when the Ender sent us to that place, I just gotta get in the right state of mind an' try it again. We'll get on this road here an' I'll try it out. I dunno if music helps or makes it harder - well. I'll figure it out.

[They come to a T, finally, and this cross road looks like the sort of frontage road that will eventually spill them onto the freeway. It's paved, that's the important part. He gives the bike a once over, but the lighting is pretty dim here and he gives up. Time to just help her up, hop on, and get the engine going, and hope it still drives in a straight line.

Which, blissfully, it does. He gives a sigh of relief as the wind picks up in his ears, and immediately feels more relaxed.]

All right, that's more like it!

[Cheering for being back on pavement is a little silly but she does it anyway. It's great to be sitting again and not on her feet. Her head turns so she can rest against him, and her eyes close as she enjoys the wind on her face.]

You don't have to figure it out here. Time travel is really tricky.

[Said like she's potentially an expert or something.]

But it would be cool if you could pinpoint a time and I could open a hole ahead of us, and we could just drive straight through to where you want to go.

[Still, there's something to be said about just driving the normal way. Taking each mile as it comes is fun in its own way, it gives them plenty of time to talk.]

Yeah. Time and space, all in one. Hey, lemme focus a minute once we get on the freeway an' I'll see what it is I can do.

[Means he's going to start with quiet - or, well, engine noise. That's unavoidable, but it's also sort of like that endless droning hum he'd tuned into before. Maybe that's the ticket.

The frontage road meets the onramp, and Johnnie takes it. There are a few other cars here, makes and models he's never seen but they're recognizable enough as cars so whenever they are, it's probably nearer to his time than the ghost train town had been. If he doesn't work out how to tune in to some other time, at least this one is likely to have the kind of things they need - if they can just stay in it.

It's a risk, but he closes his eyes, trusts that the bike will stay pointed in the same direction. He needs to focus, clear his mind, think about nothing other than the drone of the engine, the wheels on pavement.

But that's fucking hard because he's hungry and he wants a smoke and Chrissy is so warm against his back and shit, he should open his eyes just in case there's a car - damnit.]

Hey. D'you, like... I dunno, is meditation a real thing? Is that shit people actually do?

Where did you hear about that?

[Meditation is one of the things that people always talk about doing but she's never actually seen it in practice. White people back in Hawkins loved saying they'd meditate on something and just stare blankly into space. So maybe that's all it is? She isn't really sure.]

I think Moonbeam would be the one to talk to about that.

[And with Alex leaving, there's a big chance they won't see her for a while. Not unless they drive to her place and drop in for a visit.]

I guess try focusing on silence and seeing if you can go inside your own thoughts. Like being in your head? Maybe that's all meditation is.

[And while he does that, she's going to nervously nibble at the inside of her cheek because she's fully expecting him to crash and for her to go flying off the bike again.]

[To that first question, he just shrugs and laughs. You hear all kinds of weird shit in LA, especially when poking around on late night radio stations. It's a thing he's heard of, but doesn't really know anything about. Just that clearing his mind might be something useful, maybe. Maybe it doesn't matter.]

Wait, go inside my own thoughts? What the fuck does that mean?

[Hold on, he has to veer around a car anyway, then gives them a mocking wave as they pass. Slowpokes.]

Okay, hang on. I gotta close my eyes. If I'm gonna hit something just fuckin' hit me first. Yell at me. I dunno.

[See, that's the great thing about having her back there, she can help drive.

But man, how did he do this before? Maybe it was because he was high. That got him out of his head, he'd been dosed on vide noir or whatever all that shit was in that world but it felt enough like vide noir for him to believe it. Some deep part of the universe got into him and let him float off until there was nothing but him and the dark. The itch for it comes back again, as hard as ever - because yeah, it killed him, he hates that shit, but when it's good, it's so damn good.

Well, maybe he doesn't need that kind of high. Hell, maybe all he needs is a smoke. He does need one. He sighs and gives up for now and opens his eyes to the road.]

I got ideas to try later, I guess. Hey, once we make some cash somewhere in the future, we gotta check out what kinda cool drugs they have too, right? Might find somethin' fun again, like that time in New York!

Yeah, we might!

[It's easy now to be into the idea of trying new drugs she hasn't heard of. There's nothing to be afraid of. If they do it together, they'll keep each other safe. What she is afraid of is him continuing to try and drive with his eyes closed. Whether he wants to believe it or not, her arms just aren't long enough to drive from behind him.]

Just don't close your eyes again for a little while, okay? I can't reach very well and we could crash or something.

[But they're in one piece and everything's fine. He keeps driving, and she sings a little as they keep going. There's no real need to try and force a specific time jump here. As long as they keep the pavement, everything's fine.

And they do keep the pavement for a while, at least another hour. The pavement doesn't go away completely, but becomes bumpy and worn down. She isn't sure how far ahead they are here, but it's definitely the future. Wherever they're at is still lots of open spaces and little hick towns with nothing worth stopping for in them. It's as they pass a tattered billboard advertising something called Boot Heel Whiskey that she thinks of something. ]

Hey Johnnie, do you think that place the Ender brought us to is the answer to what we can do? Like...that stuff that went inside us there. It made us really powerful. What do you think that was?

[Stupid shitty pavement. He'll take it over dirt roads any day, but it's annoying. Makes his teeth rattle every time he hits more of a bump. He notes the sign with disinterest - yeah sure maybe they're in the future and roads aren't needed anymore, or maybe this part of the state is just too poor to keep them up.]

Yeah, I was just thinkin' about that a little while back. Kinda felt like vide noir, but different. Maybe it's where it came from though. I mean, you've tried it, didn't it seem kinda familiar?

[Their experiences with vide noir have thankfully been very different. He wouldn't wish on her what was done to him. But that kind of tie to the dark things that stretch their arms through the universe itself is undeniably addictive, and definitely holds some real power in it.]

It's hard to remember what it felt like back then. But I can remember it felt similar enough that I wasn't afraid.

[And that's good enough.

But does that mean vide noir is something they need to get their hands on? After what happened to Johnnie, she has a really hard time wanting to help him ever be near the stuff again. She remembers their journey to try and get the cosmic ash, remembers how terribly it impacted him when it didn't work. She wants to protect him from ever needing to go through that again. More than that, she wants to protect him from what addiction to vide noir can do to him. She's terrified it will take him away from her.]

We can talk to the Ender about it when we get back. But we just have to be careful with that stuff. I don't want to lose you.

Yeah, I know. Shit's good but it's not worth that. I fought too hard just to stay here.

[And yeah, maybe the Ender has some ability to pull him back out if he had to, but the question is, even if he does, would he bother? Johnnie has been done a favor by the deep roots of that force, the thing well beyond the man. For whatever reason, it decided to allow him to beg for his continued existence in exchange for promises about what he can do to hasten the end of all things. But, well - how much does that matter? Maybe he's not the only one those things toy with. Maybe he only has this second shot and no more. He's not counting on having more.

Well, whatever. It's all wondering and guesswork about the future and he can't dwell on that too hard, not worth it. If they wind up with more vide noir on hand then he'll figure it out when the time comes.

The exit he wanted hasn't shown its face, and it feels like it's been way too long. How much have the roads changed in this time?]

I feel like we're kinda way past the exit I meant to take... Did you see a sign anywhere back there for San Jose? Or San Francisco? I didn't miss it when I had my eyes closed, did I?

[Well, it's no big deal. If they continue straight ahead they'll end up in the east bay instead and there are bridges. There's no real need to avoid the east bay explicitly. His Papa lives around here now, somewhere, but it's a big place. And fuck it, if this really is the future, asshole's long dead anyway. At least a bright glow on the horizon suggests there's civilization still out there somewhere.]

I wasn't paying attention.

[She admits with a nervous laugh, because she feels so stupid not to notice. He doesn't seem to mind though, so she takes her mistake in stride. She'll just have to pay better attention.]

But I mean, it's San Francisco. Maybe it's all those lights over that way? What would be cool is if we knew someone there and I could focus on how they feel and pick up on them and we could just drive through a tear and end up right there where they are!

[She makes a motion like they're driving straight through something, and laughs as she loosens her hold on him. They've been driving for a few hours now, and definitely have a few more left before they can stop.]

There's a sign up ahead that says we're five miles away from the next gas station. Let's stop there and see if we can figure out where we are.

Yeah, that'd be... Real cool.

[Ugh.

No fucking way. He can figure this out himself. The last thing he needs is for Chrissy to somehow magnetically direct them to his useless father. It's not that hard, they'll just... Go west until they have to go some other direction. State's not that complicated.

She'll have to forgive his lack of enthusiasm at her suggestion, but at this speed at least five miles passes quickly. They pull off at the gas station - he is starting to run low though the tank has a few more hours in it, it wouldn't hurt to fill up - but the lights are off, the pumps are dead, the concrete has weeds growing through it. A few run down homes and buildings are clustered around here, the last straggling survivors before they too succumbed to the lack of traffic. Farther past, the rest of the town this once was is fully overgrown and crumbled to rock.

Johnnie looks at it all a little bewildered, then kills the engine and hops off to stretch his legs anyway.]

Damn. Reminds me of some a' those ghost towns in the middle of the desert, where they used to have the railroad. This one used to have the freeway. Where'd all the cars go? No one lives out here anymore?

[They all live in the big city to the north? It would sure be fucked up if that wasn't city lights causing all that.]

[She's a little down at the fact that he doesn't seem too into her idea, but doesn't take it personally. He's probably frustrated they're not on the right track. By the time they pull over, she's eager to hop off the bike and stretch her legs. His guitar is taken off so she can set it on the seat, and she stretches her arms up above her head before trying to pop her back.]

It's pretty weird that there's no sign of life around here. Maybe everyone moved where the lights are.

[Her head turns so she can glance back at the gas station, and decides she might as well see if there's anything inside. There's plenty of old bricks laying around, but the windows are boarded up and the door in is just...open. There's no need to break in at all.]

I'm gonna go in and see if I can find an idea of where we are! Maybe there's a newspaper or map or phone book or something still laying around. Are you gonna hang around out here?

I'll come, just gimme a minute.

[Time for a smoke break. She can search for a little bit on her own while he lights up and rolls his shoulders.

They have their own map too, of course, but it's too damn dark to read it out here and his lighter is going to run out of fuel if he keeps using it for this sort of thing. Did she pack a flashlight? She must have, she thought through this stuff well.

It takes him a few minutes more to dig through the bag she packed, but it's there, sunk to the bottom. He comes inside after her and unfolds the map over the old countertop by the front door, and looks it over.]

I feel like we oughta be somewhere around Los Banos? That's where I was gonna turn off the five an' head west. If we're north of that, maybe this is Santa Nella?

[Time is fucking with them, that's the only possible way they could have missed such an obvious turn off. Or the sign had fallen over and decayed over time. Totally possible.]

[She doesn't say anything right away, and instead is looking around behind where the cash register used to be. That's long gone, and so is 95% of whatever this place used to sell. But there is a phone book in one of the drawers, and she plops it down on the counter. She flips through it for a few seconds before picking up on something.]

You were right the first time. Los Banos is the location of some of the places advertised in the phone book, so we have to be close.

[There's a pause as her head tips to the side, and then she giggles.]

Doesn't that mean bathroom or something in Spanish? This place must be crappy.

[He grins, snickering a little around the cigarette as he pulls the book closer to have a look himself.]

That's baños. I dunno what "banos" is supposed to be though. It is pretty fuckin' shitty. More like a Los Baños if you ask me.

[Damn, though. Maybe it's at least good to know he wasn't too far off? Annoying as shit to not have a better answer, but it's something.]

Okay, well, maybe we keep goin' a little while. But if in, say, fifteen minutes we don't see the turn that goes over the hills then I guess we gotta decide if we just keep north an' go a kinda different way, or if we try your idea. If we keep north, I bet we can at least get to Tracy by sunrise an' decide from there.

[He points it out on the map, just so she sees where it is.]

See, I do know someone in the east bay, though. If you wanted to try that kinda shortcut idea. Problem is, it's my Papa.

[Holy shit.

Her eyes widen and she just stares for a few seconds.]

Your dad? Really?

[She had such a distant relationship with her own father that it's hard to imagine Johnnie with his. He's told her all the terrible things his father did, and that makes her instantly not like the guy. But she knows that if she had a chance to at least see her dad again, she'd probably take it.]

I could try pinpointing him and seeing if we can get that shortcut. But would you be okay with potentially ending up right in his driveway?

... I dunno. Not really. But, if we get stuck, it's maybe a way to get us un-stuck. I dunno what's goin' on with this version of the world we're in, maybe we can't go over the hills no more from this side, maybe that big glow to the north isn't a city but a fuckin' fire. I dunno. If we run outta options we can use him to try an' bail ourselves out. But I still got some gas, we can keep goin' a while an' see if we can get ourselves outta this.

[She probably wants to meet his Papa, doesn't she. Or she wants the practice with her skills.

Johnnie hasn't seen the guy in years now, though, and it's for the best, in his opinion. There's nothing that fuckup has to offer him. There's no nostalgia there, no affection. Nothing lost.]

Well, if we do have to do things that way? I think you should take some time and see him.

[She does want to meet the guy, but knows that's not her choice. It took some work to get to meet his mother, and he loves his mom. But introducing her to someone he's not a fan of? It could get messy.]

The odds are likely if we keep going, we'll move through time and space again. If that's a giant bonfire up north, it could turn right back to lights in a couple dozen miles.

[That's the beauty of who they are and what they do. There's no real rhyme or reason to it yet. But she has faith he'll be able to figure it all out. She glance over his way with one of her adoring smiles, and takes a second to appreciate how hard he works to keep them both safe.]

Do you know what we can do here though, babe?

[She asks it as she approaches him to move in close, hands on his hips as she tips her head so he can see the grin on her face.]

[Yeah she is way too eager to see that asshole. Answers that question.

Johnnie sighs and takes one last drag of his cigarette as she comes to put her hands on his hips, then flicks the remnant stub to the ground and gives her half a smile.]

Nah. You tell me.

[Obviously he can think of things, but he'll let her pretend she has some clever, surprising little idea. It's cute. She's damn cute and maybe she'll get his mind off the annoying idea that is having to pull them to his Papa to get out of the central valley. There's no way, he's deciding that now. They're driving their way out of here, she'll have to practice that shit on someone else.]

Can we start a fire? Just a little one, since no one's here?

[It's really all his fault she loves fire as much as she does. She behaved back in the train town, but she really wants to start a tiny fire here. What will burning down one gas station that hasn't been operational in years do? There's no way it can make it so he doesn't exist.

Just in case she has to convince him though, she kisses him as slow and sweet as she can manage given her eagerness to burn things. As their lips part she keeps in close, so he can feel hers brushing against his as she speaks a little more.]

It's either that or you have to fuck me against the counter over there.

[Like that's the consolation prize here, or some kind of punishment.]

[As she pulls away, he's left grinning, and he loops his arms around her waist to keep her from going anywhere right away.]

What's this one or the other bullshit, huh? We could have both.

[Fucking first, obviously. For several reasons, the least of which is safety concerns. This is a good distraction from the drive, the missing highway, all the dumb shit. So counter to that slow and sweet kiss, he leans in with something much more fiercely passionate, claiming her mouth while walking her toward the counter.]

That phone book's gonna be kindling.

[His map is still here, and it crinkles audibly as he presses her against the counter and grinds his hips against hers.]

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